Deafheaven's Personal Journey

Home | Chapter I (descending) | Chapter I appendum | Chapter II (for every end a beginning) | Chapter II appendum (What's in a name?) | Chapter III (Support) | Chapter III (support) For A Hurting Friend | Chapter III (support) Realization | Chapter III (support) Fear Of The Unknown And Of The Familiar | Chapter III (support) Motivation | Chapter III (support) LauraKate | Chapter III (support) Thank You | Chapter IV: What I've Learned | Chapter IV: BMR | Chapter IV: Fitday | Chapter IV: The Mighty Caltrac | Chapter IV: The Dreaded Scale | Chapter IV: Journal the Journey | Chapter V: But is it safe?? | Photo Page | Photo Page II | Chef Deaf: Pizza | Chef Deaf: Chicken Balls | Chef Deaf: Cinnamon Rolls | Chef Deaf: Through the Looking Glass (magic mushrooms) | Chef Deaf: World's Greatest Low Carb Pizza | Product Review: Snack Thins | Chapter ?? (dreams) Someday Maybe

Chapter I appendum

You were my first love
The first to steal my then youthful heart
My best friend
My soul to yours as hand to glove

My thoughts were always of you back then
Dreaming of a taste from your sweet lips
Wanting to slowly caress your lovely frame
And make love to you in many ways

Does such utterance surprise to hear today
To know of the lust in my heart
To know how much it hurt to proclaim that love
And have it turned away

It took some time to proclaim true mind
But the glove I offered, however well the fit
Was And some time more
Funny how things happen
Timing seems to be the key
Where once I loved you and proclaimed that love
You were unable, or unwilling to accept

So I went on with my life
But from time to time, you reached out to me
And I was unwilling to take your hand or your heart

Now it is 18 years later
And you have sought me out again
And again I could not
Because my heart belonged to another
Parted again
But my true love was not so true after all
She mercilessly ripped out my heart with her deception and lies
And now I find myself reaching out to you
But you are with another

And us
We never were but could have been
No syncronicity

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
I think I'm fairly versed in words and take joy in the turning of a phrase
 
Looking for hidden meaning and hidden thought
Oridinary words used in extraordinary ways bring new depth to shallow perception
Very special thoughts expressed in very special ways enhance life's play
Even the most banal of situation becomes empowered with the writer's pen
 
Yet despite the power of the scribe some words I thirst to transform from pen to mouth
Often the written achieves common bond but some words mean more when personalized with tone, inflection, and direction
Under the guise of this contemplation is an expression of emotion concerning
 
Jennifer Anne Marie, whose loveliness of sould has surely captured me
Every thought that I've expressed through note has meant so very much but
Not as much as the day I hold you in my arms, look into your eyes, and pass these words through breath

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
I've lived a life of solitude and perjured myself in thought

Overcome by societal constraints and conjecture
Feeling disquieted in my existence
Feeling detached from self and communities' offer of fellowship
Ever the one between the cracks
Rarely noticed and rarely worthy of note

Yearning for the comfort of mediocrity
Oppressive to my own self growth
Uninspired by the possibilities of being

Many years went by until one day
You came into my life

How can one person so change my existence
Embolden my spirit with but a smile
Are you aware of how you make me feel
Roused anew with deliberations of a future
Thoughts turned to "us" rather than "me"

And of a life together based on love and respect
Never had I dreamed of feeling so complete
Do I have the courage to embrace such joy

Surely this is but a sweet dream about to unwravel with mornings light
Or perhaps I've passed in slumber and now trod upon heaven's floor
Unalterable in this tale, whether real or illusion, is one simple truth
Love is what I feel for you

----------------------------------------------
 
Look at me

I want to look into your eyes
I want to see your soul
I want to hold you oh so tight
And never let you go

And when I look into your eyes
Look into mine
And know I mean the words I say
And hold your love sublime

Let me lose myself in those fields so green
Let me warm my heart with your lovely smile
Let me see your lips before our kiss
And enjoy your countenance just for a while

Don't be shy
Don't fear my gaze
Don't think I look for flaws
Just let me be amazed

By my green eyed lovers eyes

------------------------------------------------------------
 
The hour is late
In bed attire and slippered feet
I immerse myself in night’s embrace
One small lamp provides soft illumination to the narrative
And with a steaming cup of coffee within my grasp
I recline comfortably in my chair
To review my weathered past

The book is a rarity of one
A genuine priceless first-edition
Priceless to me anyway...
And I had thought also to you

Not so long ago I entrusted it to your care
But you tore the pages from their spine
And changed the words to fiction

Now I sit here in reflective solitude
And read truths no longer found in the body of the work
But scribbled upon the margins of dog-eared sheets

The pain I have felt is material to the journal of my life
And I have scrawled many an erroneous line upon its yellowed pages

As I wonder what shall be penned upon the leaves yet to turn
I am saddened by those words already composed

The heavy burden of regret has dropped me to my knees
And I am weary of the struggle to gain my feet