|
I realize that I have always defined myself by what I was not. When you do that, you miss so much.
Starting Weight/Current Weight/Goal Weight
405/195/199
hit goal on April 10, 2004
began Nov 23, 2002
updated: May 31, 2004
April 28, 2004: I am pleased to announce that on April 10th of 2004 I sipped from the Holy Grail
of accomplishment having attained my targeted goal of 199 lbs. It has taken this long to organize my thoughts and share them
here.
The first thing I want to say is yes, reaching goal does feel different than even being 1 pound away.
I wasn't jubilent however. Life did not all of a sudden become better. I did not jump for joy nor let out a whoop or shed
a tear... however, it sure did feel good. Curiously just a week previous, as I was 3 pounds from goal and pondered this most
significant moment, I did indeed become teary eyed. The moment itself however only produced feelings of... I dunno... pride
I suppose. And of course it did raise another question... what now?
Now I had never had any delusions of some wonderful grandiose life where the world would be this
wonderful playground and I would live the rest of my days in contented bliss. Life doesn't work that way. I still feel unsatisfied
in my work and I am still lonely. I am still out of step with society, looking to fit in yet unwilling to compromise who and
what I am. And who and what I am has much to do with my life of obesity. It has much to do with my character. It has much
to do with my bitterness as well as with my empathy. I have not buried my past because that would be foolish. As I wrote early
on in this journey, "
Feb 23, 2004: I am down to 213 lbs. So close to my initial goals. It
is hard to believe. I think I shall get really excited when I can begin the 10 lb countdown. I'd like to thank some people
who have been instrumental in my achievements to date.
First I must thank Dr. Robert C. Atkins. It was a simple visit to his website that got me started on my new life. It
is no small matter that the details of his program are free via his website. While I have come to not believe all of his theories
let there be no doubt that they pointed me in the proper direction towards a happy and healthy lifestyle.
Second, I must thank Dr. Gregory Ellis. It was his book and philosophies that put all the pieces together. The Caltrac
has been an invaluable tool and highly recommend it to anyone that wants to get serious about weightloss. Thank you Dr. Ellis
for pushing me towards the exercise factor of the Energy Balance Equation.
Third, I must thank my support group. What a supportive bunch they have been. I wouldn't be where I am without them.
Not only have they cheered on every single pound that I have lost, but they continually manage to boost my self esteem.
Fourth, and finally, I want to thank myself. I want to thank me for believing in me, even after I had all but given up
on myself. I want to thank myself for doing this because it had to be done. I want to thank me for loving me.
Feb 7, 2004: I have taken to heart my goal of "stepping outside my box". I have applied for a 3 month
posting in Manilla which is something I would never have considered in the past. Whether I get it or not is almost irrelevant.
My confidence is slowly emerging and that is a good feeling. I also have begun in earnest a search for a new job or career.
I feel I have something to offer if someone will give me the opportunity. I still have a long way to go but the world is looking
more open to me than it has in a long long time.
Weight loss has been very slow lately. Part of this is due to my now being quite as dilligent in
monitoring myself as I had been in the past. Not that I cheat or eat foods that I should not... I don't... but I at times
have consumed too much of the "legal" foods. Mostly though my problem has been some injuries which have hampered my ability
to work out. I went about two and a half weeks without a serious workout. I'm still not 100% but I am getting better each
day and I look forward to kicking it back into high gear soon.
Jan 5, 2004: Just 31 pounds to go. I have been thinking about adjusting my goal down to 180 but I'll
worry about that once I get there. For now I am targeting mid March to attain that magical 199 mark.
I have been thinking more and more about plastic surgery. Obviously, having lost so much weight,
my body is in kind of a mess. I have watched many episodes of extreme makeover and sometimes fantasize about being on that
show (they don't accept Canadian applicants by the way). Everyone on that show that has a tummy tuck has expressed how painful
it is. I just feel however that it is something that will ultimately need to be done. Of coure money will be an issue. I will
need surgery to my arms and thighs in addition to the tummy tuck. If I cannot ever get it done then I cannot. I will live
with my battle scars if need be.
My thoughts have also turned more and more towards creating a future for myself. A new job... a home...
a family. These are things I want. I'm not quite sure how to get there though. Confidence remains a huge obstacle.
 |
|
